New Blog!

Just wanted to let you all know that I am finishing my time here at Randi...like a boy and have created a new blog to capture all of the new things that have been unfolding in my life.

asureandsteadfastanchor.blogspot.com

This is where (hopefully in a fairly consistent manner) you can gain insight into Clinton's and my journey through life together in Colorado.

See you there!

My first quilt.

A few weeks ago, Clinton's sweet Aunt Sandy invited me to come to her house with the other Waits women (Clinton's moms side of the family) and learn to quilt. This was not Sandy's first rodeo. She was so helpful and so patient with us beginners (Becky, Clinton's sister; Ellen, Clinton's cousin, and me). Clinton's mom and her sister, Phyllis, and her mother were there to aid us in our quilting endeavors. 

First, Sandy started by explaining to us how our quilt would be patched together.

Here was my post-it with my notes scribbled on it. 

Our quilt was to be 70in in width and 80in in length. 

The quilt pattern we would use consisted of strips of different widths. 

This list shows how many strips of various widths I needed to cut. Each strip would consist of two different lengths of fabric. A short one, 32 in, and a long one, 44 in (including our sewing allowance). 

Next came picking the fabric. Sandy had so many tubs full of fabric. It took us girls a long time to decide what look we each wanted to go for. It was challenging at times to find fabric that met our length requirements.

 

This was my cutting zone. My quilt ended up consisting of 56 pieces. 

Once we got all our pieces cut, we had to find a large place to spread out all our pieces and match them up. 

You will see that I chose all flannel and plaid for my quilt. 

Above is a glimpse of what Becky's quilt looked like. She choose all floral and vintage looking fabric. It is really a sweet combination. 

I started to wonder if my fabric choice was too masculine...

Finally, it was time to start sewing. We had four different machines set up and ready to go. 

It was a long process. 

First we had to pick up each strip and sew the two pieces together. 

Then, we sewed each strip together, one-by-one. 

Ellen's quilt is the closer one. Slowly, but surely, we started getting our quilt pieced together. 

We were up late that night trying to get the top of all of our quilts finished. 

Our next step is to pick out a fabric to put on the back and take it back to Sandy's so she can quilt it for us. The ladies were saying I should pick out a really girly pattern for the back and that way it can be a his-hers reversible quilt. Who knows what I'll choose...Any suggestions?

Below you will find her quilting machine. I had no idea those machines were so big. 

 I can't end this post until I give a shout out to the Genie. My magical-garage-sale-find-sewing machine. 

Wait for it...

Bam! 

 Ain't she a beaut?

Taste Panel at the Griffin Gate

Hi Friends!

I am determined to get better at blogging. My old is excuse ("I don't have a camera to take pictures of my day-to-day life") is no longer legitimate because I got a fancy camera as an early graduation present. My sweet roomie, Jenna, is teaching me all thing things. I am determined to document more of my life and to learn how to take great pictures. I am learning still, so bear with me. But, here is a picture that I think turned out pretty good. (Mostly thanks to Jenna coaching me.)

Now, onto the title of the post. Recently, I got to go to the Griffin Gate's taste panel. What is that, you ask? Well, when you have your reception at the GG they invite you to their place and make lots and lots of food for you to sample. You are supposed to take notes so that you can pick all the things you want to have served at your wedding. I know you think it can't get any better, but it can. I got to invite three friends!

So, Angie, Jenna, Holly and I set off to eat our body weight in fancy food. These pictures do not do justice to the amount of food at this place. We were stuffed after sampling the appetizers. There were lots of tasty things. I am pretty sure no matter what there will be macaroni and cheese (sans the lobster). If only they had the fried pickles we were thinking to do for appetizers..

I know that it is socially unacceptable...BUT....

This is how I feel. 

I know, I know. 

It's not even Thanksgiving, yet. 

Confession.

I have been full of Christmas cheer since before Halloween.

(Three days before, to be exact. That is when I listened to my "Christmas with the Rat Pack" C.D. on the way to work.) 

I don't know what has gotten into me. 

I won't lie, I'm not ashamed. 

However, I know some people don't feel the same way. 

Holly is not ready to talk Christmas. 

I told her that I would keep my cheer to myself. 

But, to be careful because one day she might walk into my room and find this...

Minus Will Ferrell dressed as Buddy the Elf.

I think that might make Clinton feel uncomfortable. 

All Hallows Eve

I am so excited.

Tonight, I am going to our grad student Halloween party. Not only is this a fun excuse to hang out with my school friends, but the theme this year is phenomenal. We are having a "throw back to your childhood" party. Needless to say, I have been pumped for quite some time.

However, there is also a lot of pressure associated with any sort of costumed event. Maybe others don't feel that way, but I really like to take full advantage of these type of situations. If I could dress up everyday in costume for my life, I would enjoy that. However, my students already think I am over caffeinated and spastic. I am not sure we want to include a crazy wardrobe and props to that. Unless, of course, it is a fanny pack. But that is an other story, entirely.

It was a lot of fun remembering all those toys and television shows the defined much of my childhood. Are You Afraid of the Dark, Salute Your Shorts, Boy Meets World, Designing Women, The Golden Girls  (I hung out with my grandma a lot, okay?), ribbon dancers, skip-its, Power Rangers, Clarissa Explains it All, and the list goes on and on.

While it was quite enjoyable to ponder the joys of my youth, many of the ideas I came up with presented several problems. First, some of them only required some 90s clothes and a Canadian accent.

Unfortunately, I do not look enough like any of those characters for people to understand who I am without wearing a lame name tag.

The other problem is that some of my ideas required a little too much effort in the costume department....

Just when I had settled for dressing in some sort of ballet outfit and making my own ribbon dancer, it hit me. I knew exactly who I was going to be. Though this person was not my favorite of the group, she epitomized a long forgotten portion of my childhood years.

That's right. Kerri Strug. Only I will wear pants. If only Little Clinton were here to be my Bela Karolyi... 

My other thought was to find a Kippy Strug from the SNL skit...

Here is the link to refresh your memory... http://www.hulu.com/watch/ad/66968

Needless to say, I am very excited for tonight. I love reliving my childhood. I am going to be one of those creepy, stuck in the past moms, I know. I'm okay with it. 

( Clink on this if you are interested in what these retired olympic gymnasts are up these days... http://usagym.org/pages/features/110301_96team/ )

What costume would you sport if you were going to a throw back to your childhood party? 

The Horse and His Boy

"Shasta didn't!" snorted Bree. "At least he ran in the right direction: ran back. and that is what shames me most of all. I, who called myself a war horse and boasted of a hundred fights, to be beaten by a little human boy-a child, a mere foal, who had never held a sword nor had any good nurture or example in his life!"
"I know," said Arvais. "i felt just the same. Shasta was marvelous. I am just as bad as you, Bree. I've been snubbing him and looking down on him ever since you met us and now he turns out to be the best of us all. But I think it would be better to stay and say we're sorry than to go back to Calormen."
"It's all very well for you," said Bree. "you haven't disgraced yourself. But I've lost everything."
"My good horse," said the Hermit, who had approached them unnoticed because his bare feet made so little noise on the sweet, dewy grass. "My good horse, you've lost nothing but your self conceit. No, no, cousin. Don't put back your ears and shake your mane at me. If you are really so humbled as you sounded a minute ago, you must learn to listen to sense. You're not quite the great Horse you had come to think, from living among poor dumb horses. Of course you were braver and cleverer than them. You could hardly help that. It doesn't follow that you'll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you're nobody very special, you'll be the a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole, and taking one thing with the other. And now, if you and my other four-footed cousin will come round to the kitchen door we'll see about the other half of that mash."

{from the end of chapter ten of "The Horse and His Boy" by C.S. Lewis}

I've been reading devouring The Chronicles of Narnia lately and, let me tell you, they are rocking my world. Not only are they wonderfully entertaining, but they call you out and inspire you as you read. I'll admit I sometimes get too into the plot to really reflect on the Truth that is hinted at in these tales.

However, this passage {above} stopped me in my tracks. It was like Clive Staples the Lord had been reading my diary (or He just knows my heart) and knew it was time to gently, but firmly call me out.

I'm like Bree the horse. Even though it was apparent to everyone that Bree was a Narnian horse (the talking is a dead give-away), he was still caught up in being one of the best Narnian horses. He was self-conscious about it, obsessed with making sure no one mistook his identity. Even though his identity was already set. He thought that something small would discredit him or steal his Naranian status from him. Therefore, he was always self-conscious, overly aware of others opinions, and continually striving.

Like I said, I am Bree.

I am realizing more and more how much I seek my own glory and not seeking to glorify the Lord. In every area of my life God is revealing this to me. Some areas are more apparent, like appearances ("i want people to think i'm cute") and school (i want people to think i'm smart"). But, man, some areas are harder to identify (and harder to admit)...

"I want to be an awesome Christian so people think I am awesome."

Wow.

I didn't even know that was in there. But I think God has been working to gently, but firmly inform me of my mixed motives. I say "mixed" because I don't think my self-glorifying mentality is always in control or my basis for doing everything, but I know it is in there. I do desire the Lord. I do want to know Him richly, deeply, intimately. But, sometimes, this ugly monster motive tangles himself in my heart and thoughts and before I know it I am focused on glorifying me again...

"It doesn't follow that you'll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you're nobody very special, you'll be the a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole, and taking on thing with the other."

I don't want to strive to be the best, to stand out, to be praised. I don't want to want it.

I don't want people to look at me and see a "good Christian."

I want people to look at me and not even see me, but to see Christ.

I know, I have a long way to go.

"He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)

Book Challenge: The Rules and Week 1

Hello Sweet Friends, 

I have stolen a challenge that was posed to my sweet friend and roommate, Holly. Not only have I stolen it, I have revised it to my own liking. 

What is this "book challenge," you ask? 

Well, the challenge is to read a book a week. To read it to get it read and to try your hardest to abstain from underlining, highlighting, commenting, etc. (This last part is actually really hard for me. I have already failed..) 

The point is that instead of trying to squeeze every ounce of awesome from a book (in a way that usually leaves me exhausted or so intimidated that I never even finish the book...), you read it and at the end you think back on what has stood out to you the most. 

Now, I don't think that books should always be read this way, but I think there are some great reasons to do this every now and then. 

(Especiallywhenyoumakealistofsummerbookstoreadbutyouaretoolazyortoointimidatedtostartreadingthem

andthesumerisalmostover.)

Now, without further ado, let me introduce you to Book #1. 

The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.

I am pretty sure I have started and failed to finish this book at least 10 times. It is crazy because I really enjoy the concept of the book (A high positioned demon, Screwtape, writing to his lowly demon nephew, Wormwood, on how to properly win a soul for Hell.) But, for some reason had never finished it. Until last weekend, my friends.

Main take away/thought provoking/convicting point: Humility. Perhaps, this topic stuck out to me so much because I have been praying for humility for months and months. (For those of you who know me outside the blog world, this probably comes as no shock as a big struggle of mine.) 

I think maybe why this concept has been so hard for me to wrap my head around is because from a young age I pursued inverse or false humility as genuine humility. For example, being scared about being prideful about things, I went the other extreme and tore myself down "to keep myself in check." This only led to me being really self-conscious or overly aware of myself and how others perceived me. It is still pride, just wearing wearing a hat or a fake mustache. 

I still find myself thinking over many of the things said about humility in Screwtape's letter....

 

1. He encourages Wormwood to help the "patient" (aka believer or soul they are attempting to capture) be aware of his humility, so that he can, in turn, congratulate himself on his ability to be humble (aka turn him back to pride). 

2. "You must therefore conceal from the patient the true end of Humility. Let him think of it not as a self-forgetfulness but as a certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of his own talents and character."

3. "To anticipate the Enemy's strategy (God's), we must consider his aims. The Enemy wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another. The Enemy wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents a frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor's talents- or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall."

4. "Even his own sins the Enemy does not want him to think of too much: once they are repented, the sooner the man turns his attention outward, the better the Enemy is pleased." 

I tried to practice some restraint and not type up the whole letter to you. If this piques your interest, I highly recommend going back and reading it. 

And, just to further persuade you...

"He does not want men to give the Future their hearts, to place their treasure in it."

"The Enemy described a married couple as "one flesh." He did not say a 'happily married couple' or 'a couple who married because they were in love,' but you can make humans ignore that." 

"The sense of ownership in general is always to be encouraged. The humans are always putting up claims to ownership which sound equally funny in Heaven and in Hell and we must keep them doing so...And all the time the joke is that the word 'Mine' in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything."

"For a long tie it will be quite impossible to remove spirituality from his life. Very well then; we must corrupt it." 

"It is funny how mortals always picture us putting things in their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out."

"He wants men to be concerned with what they do; our business is to keep them thinking about what will happen to them."

Father, I pray for a "self-forgetfulness." Help me to understand and cultivate a truly humble heart. I pray that I would be humble hearted because I understand deeper where I stand in relationship with you. I pray that this would translate into the way I interact with others here on Earth. Teach me this deeper, so that it changes the way I live my life. Amen. 

If my life was a song, it would be...

Gangster's Paradise

Rapped by...

This lyrical genius rapper.

From a young age, I have always felt a strong connection, like Coolio knew me and he was telling my story.

"Cuz I been blastin and laughin so long that, even my mama think that my mind is gone..."

I got jokes. Check.

"I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like, on my knees in the night, saying prayers in the street light..."

Prayer. Check.

"I'm an educated fool with money on my mind, I got a ten in my hand and a gleam in my eye..."

Still in school. Check.

"I'm twenty three now, but will I ever see twenty four the way things are goin, I don't know..."

I am trying to be "Rapture Ready." Check.

It's like Coolio and I are the same person.

_______________________________________________

I also feel a kinship with....

Reba.

But that is for another time...

Is there a song that you also feel is your life story? Do share! You could even make a case on your blog as to why that song is your life story. I can't wait to hear about your life through song!

Just keep swimming...

this semester has been rough.

i am getting completely dominated.

i have felt like i have been treading water for a long time.

i had a full on break down yesterday.

but... the awesome thing is that in the midst of my meltdown, God had brought to mind so many of the things that i have been learning over the past few weeks.

the high school girls and i have been going through a bible study on the book of Ruth. i am so inspired by Ruth and of course loved doing an in depth study on her story. here is my favorite take away from her story:

i am so encouraged by the fact that the whole time Ruth was married to Mahlon, for about ten years (1:4), they never had a child. ten years and they never had a child! (now, i am assuming that they were not waiting to have kids because i am fairly confident that during that time it was very important to reproduce. it kept the man's family name going and it served as a source of glory and protection for women to have children.) if they would have had a child, there would be no point for Ruth's story to go on. she would not have left with Naomi and declared that Naomi's "God would be her God" (2:16), she would have never have met the bomb.com man of God, Boaz, and she never would have found her name listed in the genealogy of Christ (Matthew 1:5)!

kelly (the lady who wrote the study) did a great job of bringing that to our attention. however, the thing that i can't stop thinking about were the ten years ruth experienced married but childless. (disclaimer: the book of ruth does not really discuss this aspect, nor does kelly so i am assuming a lot here when i try to put myself in her shoes.) i am assuming that it was not for lack of trying that they did not have children. i am assuming it was very important for them to have children. i am assuming there might have been a lot of hurt, confusion, embarrassment because so much rested on the ability to have children (see Hannah or Leah & Rachel's stories) and frustration at not having children. ten years.

despite it all, Ruth was steady. she remained faithful, not bitter.

i find further encouragement in the later part of Ruth. Ruth lays it all out on the line and basically proposes to Boaz.

(if you think that makes Boaz passive, remember his response to her 3:10. He loved God's word so much that it is possible he never made a move because he knew there was a man who was of closer kin than him. Thus, one might assume it was not for lack of thought or desire that he never approached Ruth, but more to remain faithful to the Lord's commands. also, technically the law said he only had to sleep with Ruth to give her a child. the law doesn't say they have be married, Boaz took that liberty on his own. is Boaz too crazy of a name for my potential future children??)

Boaz tells her to wait till morning and then go back to Naomi. Naomi tells Ruth "wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. for the man will not rest until the matter is settled today. Meanwhile, Boaz went..." (3:18-4:1). While Ruth had to wait, Boaz went to town and worked on her behalf.

i love that. even though there was nothing more for Ruth to do but wait, Boaz was out, working on her behalf.

in the midst of my treading water, i take comfort in knowing that though i can't see God working, i know he is working on my behalf. even though this season of life seems long and hard, i know He is moving on my behalf. i need only to remain faithful to Him and wait, knowing that He is good and His heart is for me.

(another awesome tidbit about Ruth...Kelly mentioned that in the Hebrew Bible, Ruth came right after Proverbs. because of the content of the last chapter of proverbs (31- the wife of noble character), one could infer that Ruth's story is a living example of the proverbs 31 woman. seriously, read them back to back. you will find a lot of the proverbs 31 traits in Ruth's life and character.)

for those of you who feel like you are treading water, take heart. just keep swimming. God is moving on your behalf, even if you can't see it right now.

God is God

As I was walking from my car to campus, my mind kept turning back to all of the awesome conversations that took place last night. I think Thursdays will definitely end up being my favorite day of the week because of my connect group and Bible study.

At church we are going through Job and discussing crisis, so our connect group discussions stem from what Tim preaches on Sunday. And, in Bible study we are going through the book of Isaiah. I feel like God is already showing me connections between these two groups, regardless of the content that is specifically being studied.

Last night, at connect group, Seth made the comment that it is interesting that the thesis, or main idea, of Job is so counter to what much of the wisdom scripture is like. (Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that they are contradictory or that one invalidates the other.) Psalms and Proverbs are very pragmatic and highlight almost a cause and effect relationship.

For example, the very first verse of Psalms "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked..." (ESV). Aka, if you do not walk in the counsel of the wicked, you will be blessed man. Or in Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge..." So, if you fear the Lord, then you will start to understand/attain true knowledge.

However, Job is a little different. And, honestly, the more I think about it, I think God does it so we do not get too set in the cause and effect type of relationship with Him. For me, I feel like I can see God using Job to remind me that it it is not about what we do, but where are hearts are at. "The Lord says: 'These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men'" (Isaiah 29:13). Also, I think this cause and effect mindset leaves us thinking we are entitled to certain outcomes based on us, our behavior. It is as if we think we have more control than we really do.

"Praise God that he did not make the illogical more prevalent or us humans would be in a constant state of fear and defeat, never knowing what one action might bring. However, logic can be deceptive as we can sometimes come to believe that God is also under the control of cause and effect. We must remember that it was God, himself, who created logic. Therefore, we must never forget that, ultimately, logic bows down to God. We engage in mindless behavior not so that we might know Him better, but so we can secure for ourselves comfort and blessing. And, thus, we have missed the point. I cannot believe that God ever wanted less than our whole hearts. "

Last night, in connect group, we discussed how one thesis statement of Job might be "God is God and Job is not." It is the story of Job that keeps us on our toes, and reminds us that He is sovereign despite outward appearances or our ability to determine why certain events unfold the way they do. Despite our attempts to control things on earth, it is God who is ultimately in control. And, since His heart is good, what is there to fear?

This made me think of in Bible study we discussed what being steadfast was and what it looked like. I think we all feel like we have a lot of work to do in this area, but I am convinced that all the trials we go through is God's way of presenting opportunities for us to learn (and re-learn) what it looks like to be steadfast in Him. No matter what, though, I think the thing I was most encouraged by was that regardless of our steadfastness, God's steadfastness is not dependent on our steadfastness. (I think Holly said this best last night.) He is always steadfast; He knows not how to waver. Often I think in terms of God reacting to me (my thoughts, behavior etc), but really God is consistently constant. (nice, right?)

I am still working through and piecing all of these thought strands together, but I just needed to get some down before I forgot to remember them. In no way have I figured this out or feel like these thoughts are final. Additionally, it probably just makes sense to me. I have a hard time articulating exactly what I am trying to say and how I got there. It is just where I am right now in terms of processing, and I know God has more to show me in this area.

Jealousy and her good-for-nothing-friends

Pull up your boot straps, ladies. It's time for me to share a little bit about what God is doing in my life, but in order to do that I have to take you through some of the mud I've been tracking all over the place.

I have had a serious struggle with Jealousy. Honestly, this isn't a new struggle for me. It has been something I've struggled with ever since I can remember. It is an ugly burden that I try to beat down and keep it quiet. However, the trouble with Jealousy is that even though I think she is under control, she can easily (and unexpectedly) pop sher ugly head up and pull me into the mud again.

It is ugly because it can steal my joy, make me question my Maker's heart for me, and, often, makes the people I love most enemies in my mind. I hate typing that. I recognize it is ugly. I hate that my heart feels that way sometimes. Enemies sounds strong, but maybe this will help clarify my irrational thought process:

God does something bomb.com in person A's life. Person A tells me, I creep on Person A on facebook, I see Person A on tv, in a magazine etc. I am pumped for person A or recognize what is going on is Person A's life is awesome, but, then, being selfish and egocentric, I think "Huh, God hasn't done anything like that for me." And my heart says very quietly (because it knows it is a crazy thought, but it feels it anyway... I wonder what I am doing wrong? God must be holding out on me." This heart whisper leads to one of two thoughts "I must do better" or "It is no use."

These twisted, unchecked thoughts and dark heart whispers are basically facebook invites for Jealousy's bff's to come play. So then, before I realize it Bitterness, Territorialness, Threatened Identity, Victim and her cousin, Pity Party, as well as, Critical Heart come and track mud all over the place!

Sometimes Jealousy and her friends have sleep overs without asking. I think she sneaks them in through the basement. Either way, I think I am alone, and all of a sudden I hear them or see them as something ugly comes out of my mouth. "What a tick, I didn't know you were still here! Does your mother know where you are? I certainly don't want you at my house, anymore. I think you should go home."

Recently (as in for months and months) God has been really helping me to get a better security system against Jealousy and her hooligan friends. When I first decided to really try to fight this (because sometimes it is easier to not really fight, but to just pray and hope it goes away. ignoring it or denying it can also go in this passive category), God began by showing me not only the depth of the problem, but also the breadth. It seemed Jealousy had made herself quite at home. (That's how I knew it was a girl, she likes to nest.)

It was so humbling to see the extent of my sin and the way that it had infiltrated so many areas of my heart and my life. It was often discouraging to see how ugly my heart was, especially because I didn't want to have thoughts thoughts or heart whispers. It was frustrating.

BUT, God is awesome. And, has been helping me fight this battle. He really is the best coach. He is constantly showing me areas that feed Jealousy (she is like a stray cat). He also has helped me recognize when she is on my lawn and ways to fight so she doesn't come in (invited or not).

While, I don't feel like Jealousy will ever really go away (it's the cat in her), I do feel like God has been helping me with my thoughts and heart whispers. Recently, a very bright bulb went off and, for me, it has been like a grenade launcher when it comes to battling Jealousy.

Here's the defense plan:

-Something happens that appeals to Jealousy and she remembers the good ole days of us hanging out. (at least one of us enjoyed our time together)

-Alarm sounds as there has been a security breach. Jealousy is texting her friends and they are planning on coming over to my house to hang out and track mud all over

- I remember and recite to myself:

"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil at work in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

-Then, I tell myself: God has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans that give me a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). What God does in someone else's life does not threaten what He is doing and planning in mine. My God is good and His heart for me is good. I trust Him. This is not a competition. My worth and identity is not threatened or jeopardized by circumstances, people, or failure because it is hidden in Christ.

Jealousy, go home. I would much rather hang out with Peace, Joy and Truth than you any day.

All I want to do...

I just want to watch this....

(Thank you, Holly!)

So I can finally see this happen....

I would like for coffee to be present...

But, mostly, I just want to hang out with these two amazing girls.

(I also just want to hear AnnE say that she is in the depths of despair again...)

I am a quote person.

Although, most of the time I can't spell "quote" correctly. I am a notoriously bad speller.

Anyway.

I just finished rereading the first book of Francine River's Mark of the Lion series. Don't be super impressed, I did do a lot of skimming. I started to read it again so that I could let the faith of the main character wash over me again. I know she is fictional, but I envy her gentle but fierce devotion to the Lord.

I've included some quotes that I found myself lingering over...(yes, mostly from the last few chapters from the book. I don't know why I didn't think of marking down encouraging or convicting phrases earlier.) These are pretty thought provoking, though. (At least for me.)

"The god she worshipped consumed her. It didn't ask for a brief visit to a temple, or a small votive offering of food or coin, or a few prayers every now and then. This god wanted all of her." (p. 377)

Conviction: He wants all of me. That thought alone is crazy. Who am I that the God of the universe would desire me? All of me? All of my love, my attention, my heart? So often I forget His love and grace and focus on my faults and ugly heart.

But how much am I willing to give up to Him? My heart desires to say "all," but my actions usually just reflect "brief visits to the temple." How easy it is for me to spend time with Him and the morning and leave Him in my car as I go to school. Lord, have all of me and not, merely, the pieces that are easy or comfortable for me to give up.

"Neocoros?" Atretes said, the word unfamiliar.

"'Temple sweeper.'" Sertes said. "The term once referred to the most menial of laborers, who was devoted to the care of the sacred temple. A term of humility that has become a title of honor." Sertes took a coin from a pouch at his waist and turned it over for Atretes to see. "Neocoros," he said, thumbing the writing on it. "Our city is thus exalted."

Conviction: "A term of humility that has become a title of honor." I know that "he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor" (Proverbs 29:23) But forgive me, Lord, for starting out seeking to humbly serve you, then priding myself, giving myself honor or a good 'ole pat on the back for my own humility. Humble my heart, Lord, truly. Open my eyes to my pride and false humility. I know it is everywhere.

"Yes," Julia agreed. "I've changed. I've grown up and developed a mind of my ow. My eyes are open, Marcus, wide open. Isn't that how you always encouraged me to be? Wasn't it you who introduced me to all the finer things the world has to offer? Wasn't it you who told me to watch out for people who would betray me? Well, dear brother, I've learned my lessons well." (p. 439)

Reaction: Genesis 3. And, Proverbs 3:5. Lord, help me to "be wise about what is good and innocent about what is evil." (Romans 16:19).

"Unless we have something worth dying for, Atretes, we've nothing worth living for." (p. 485)

Reaction: Amen. (Matthew 16:246).

I won't lie, I also thought about all the things I daily kill myself to attain or to hold onto... I have a lot of idols in my life that continually "steal, kill, and destroy." I forget (continually) that Jesus has "come so that we might have, life and have it to the full" (John 10:10). I don't know why I so easily forget that and pursue so many things which feed into my idol of security and my idol of importance and my idol of my image. I pray that God would continue to be working these things out. Lord, how much differently I would live life if I truly found my identity in You! Help me, Father, resist finding my worth or identity in anything I do or any way I define myself. But to ultimately find rest and peace in You. May I be secure in who I am in You.

I love how a simple sentence or phrase can convict me and point me back to Christ. These might not have done much for you, but I wanted to make sure I documented these thoughts/convictions so I didn't forget about them until the next time I went back to skim The Mark of the Lion series...

Does bad breath equal dirty teeth?

Caught your attention, huh?

Here is the situation: I am super tired and trying to get ready for bed quickly. I decide I'm too tired to floss (I usually am a big flosser...not tonight, getting to bed one minute faster seemed like the best choice.) so I settle for brushing my teeth. While I was anxious to get to bed, I did try to brush well, if not a little better than usual, to make up for the lack of flossing, of course. Anyway, I brushed my teeth and they felt clean, but I felt like my breath was not up to par (aka minty fresh).

{sorry if this is a lot of information about my personal hygiene, I promise I have a point}

So , I decide to multi-task... swish around some mouth wash while I wash my face. Then, I think about it more... "does bad breath really equal dirty teeth? Or can your teeth be clean even if you can't taste the minty-freshness? Further, what is really my goal here? To prevent cavities or to have good breath?"

Now, I understand this sounds very odd and not something you share with others but...

Don't we do this with a lot of things???

I do.

I focus on the outside, on the external, on the surface, on what people see ("do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit..." Phil 2:3)... and NOT what God commands me and the apostles urge and plead us to focus on the internal, the heart. ("...he LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7b)

I drink coffee a lot. I try to have gum on me always so I can combat the coffee breath once my tumbler runs dry.

My breath may be polar-ice-fresh, but that does NOT mean my teeth are clean.

{disclaimer: this may not be the most ideal example..i am not advocating for the preservation or perpetuation of bad breath..just take this illustration loosely. it is merely the situation that sparked these thoughts conviction.}

All that to say, that I focus too much on how things appear to others, how they make me look, what others think of me. It doesn't matter if my breath is minty fresh---my teeth are still dirty.

I know it.

The Lord knows it.

And trying to cover it is pride.

Lord, please, ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

Obsessed.

I tend to have an addictive personality.

When i find a song I like, I usually listen to it in my car on repeat.

For weeks.

Here is what I have been enjoying (obsessed/needing to hear) in my car lately...


disclaimer: i haven't actually watched the full video. i downloaded the mp3 and have been listening to the song in my itunes. you can find the mp3 download below the video on youtube.



Here are the lyrics for those of you who are like me and get more from seeing the words..

(I maybe put in bold the part that I most love to get stuck in my head all day...)

Jesus, Jesus, You are my tower Lord
Jesus, Jesus, the rock I stand on
Jesus, Jesus, there is no other name
Like Your name
So I will wait on You

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him
Oh I will be still
And I will know that You are God
Your loving kindnesses
Indeed they never cease
Your compassion never fails
Jesus, Jesus, You are my tower Lord
Jesus, Jesus, the rock I stand on
Jesus, Jesus, there is no other name
Like Your name
(Oh, Lord)
So I will wait on You

The Lord is good to those
To those who wait for Him
Oh I will be still
And I will know that You are God
Your loving kindnesses
Indeed they never cease
Your compassion never fails

But I am weak Lord
You are strong Lord
I know I must look to Your way
But I am weak Lord
You are so strong Lord
I know I must look to Your way

The Lord is good to those
To those who wait for Him
Oh I will be still
And I will know that You are God
Your loving kindnesses
Indeed they never cease
Your compassion never fails

The Lord is good to those
To those who wait for Him
Oh I will be still
And I will know that You are God
Your loving kindnesses
Indeed they never cease
Your compassion never fails

Sassy Sandals!

hey friends!

i forgot! my friend, vera, also wanted me to get the word out about some sweet footwear. her friend dani went to africa for a semester (or a summer...the details are a little fuzzy. all i know is dani is awesome) and brought these sweet sandals back for her. (she brought v teal ones that are not pictured).






here's the site: http://www.ssekodesigns.com/


they are cute and sassy and go for a good cause! (which is probably why vera loves them so dang much. and well they are real cute). they are made by women who are trying to earn tuition money to continue their education in uganda. the price may seem steep at first (not as pricey as toms) but the money is going to support women as they strive to continue their education in hopes of stabilizing and helping their community.

i highly suggest visiting the site! you can even see the women who make the shoes and hear their story!

not only are the sandals fun and support a great cause, the straps are interchangeable and you can even thread them through the sole in a variety of styles. (i tried to choose pictures that best demonstrated the creativity/variety of the ways you can wear them).

i have my eye on the yellow ones. or maybe green. or brown or black....good things extra straps are only $9!

Miscellany Monday!

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1. Silas is the sweetest little boy in the whole world.

2. I want to start an herb garden. I need some fresh cilantro...

3. because I got a sweet recipe from my back-home bestie, vera. i love her.

4. i am baaadd at blogging. i am contemplating throwing in the towel..

5. i am itching to paint. little c found a picture he wants me to put on canvass.

6. do you ever feel excited that God is teaching you a lot...but also terrified about what lies ahead that He is preparing you in that way...??

7. i am excited for bible study tonight!!!

Ballin' in Haiti

this is my friend, Melinda. (or MemGym87 if you went to high school with us)

Melinda is this:

there are lots of reasons why Melinda is a baller, shot caller-- but the one i'm talking about here is the fact that she is spending her summer in Haiti serving the people there. i am so excited to hear all of the stories and ways that God has used her to impact the people of Haiti. further, i am excited to hear all the ways God has used the people of Haiti to stretch and grow her. (i love how that works. we grow and learn the most from the people and ways that we are intentionally serving. )

she has such a huge heart and is so full of joy that you can read it in her emails.

what is also amazing is the way that God is using her not only in Haiti, but right here in lexington, kentucky!

here is what i mean..(i did not ask if i could use this! but i don't think she will mind!)

"It has been so amazing to see the love of Jesus in Haiti. I have realized how much they fully rely on God, and daily. They don't have video games, tv, computers, etc to distract them from thinking about him. When they have a bad day they don't go to distract themself with a movie, they pray. They rely on him and him alone. It has opened my eyes to the useless things we do in America and the time wasted away from God. At church they all pray outloud, so imagine 800 voices praising and praying to the God of the Universe at once; it was powerful! Many get on their knees--old and young."

not only does this almost bring me to tears to imagine such a sight, it also totally calls me out (but in a good, good way). i feel like i can easily get distracted by dumb, unnecessary things. i focus on the fleeting instead of the everlasting constantly.

and it isn't always the same things that distract me. i am the only one left at the 312 this week and we no longer have internet or tv at our house. you think that i would have way less distractions and more intentional time. no, no, my friend. instead i have focused on getting things checked off my to do list, dreaming about my new room, and trying to get a jump on the moving out cleaning.

further, i came home and felt tense and exhausted--so what did i do? go to God for a little tlc? no. i went and cleaned out the laundry room after eating some ice cream.

can we say...

band aid???

"come to me, all who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28)

i know we probably all know this scripture by heart, but my actions do not reveal that this is capital "T" truth when i run to rocky road ice cream and trying to get more cleaning done, than resting in the Truth of Jesus's words.

man. i still have soo many thoughts and things i am thinking through...

if you, too, are feeling convicted and encouraged/maybe a little sucky..i highly encourage going here:

http://justinemcknight.blogspot.com/2010/05/day-144-want-confidence-click-here.html

for a little encouragement! this is more Truth i need to cling to today!

"that's why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn't stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I'd think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do [aka not distracted!! -my own addition and emphasis], grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!" --from Ephesians 1 (message version)

---we are reading through ephesians with the girls i meet with at tates creek--how appropriate the timing. i can't wait to share with them from melinda's email! pray we have some solid discussion!!

RECAP! + Question!

Wow. It has been a week (plus a day..) since I have last posted on my blog. Last week was one big, sleepy blur. Friends, you should know (or you already do!) that I am a bit of an old man. I love going to bed early and I genuinely like getting up early. I don't know if I have ever really liked staying up late and sleeping in late. (I must have been a horrible middle schooler. And youth lock-ins were my favorite till about eleven..) Anyway, just know that last week I had the worst time falling asleep. A large part of my lack of zzz's might be linked to the late nights and the time difference from my time at home. Needless to say, I don't know if I ever fell asleep last week before one or two in the morning. Vomit. Also know that I wasn't up doing cool things either (except one night talking with Syerra and Katie). No, those late nights were spent laying in bed, fretting over the fact that I am going to feel miserable the next day.

Imagine how pumped I was when I felt tired last night around ten and was passed out by eleven! We are getting closer to my old routine!

Anyway, tired Randi is not equal to productive Randi. I, sadly, do not have much to report for days 91-85... and the things I do have to report...I am going to wait on because I left my cord I need to transfer pictures onto my computer with clinton.

I have lots of schemes and plans in the works! Don't fret! I refuse to waste this summer!!

Still taking suggestions for what I should put on my summer to do list! (hint, hint).

ALSO! QUESTION! note the fabric above... what are our thoughts?? I am trying to find fabric for one of my room redo projects and I found this. I usually go for something more simple with clean lines, but I wanted to try to spice it up a little. I also am not positive about the color. Seriously, the past two things I have bought online have come to me as a totally different color than what I thought I ordered! I have been searching JoAnn fabrics and Hancock fabrics online and found a few fabrics I LOVE but I do not feel okay about buying fabric that is $30 dollars a yard. I'm a balla on a budget, you know?

Want to help me in the fabric search? I would love to see what you all would suggest!

home again, home again...

Or not?

It's odd growing up when your old home feels less like home than your new home. You know?

Anyway, i am back. i am exhausted and back.

For those of you who were so curious about the things that got accomplished on day 97...that would be a whopping ZERO. i know. major disappointment. this is why i can't have to much spare time.

here is how the rest of my week went at home..

day 96: (wednesday) my mom, brother, and i cleaned our house like maniacs. not only was clinton coming, but so were my cousins from iowa and arkansas. so we cleaned. for hours. it was good but i was a nasty mess and almost finished when clinton came. needless to say, i gave him a quick hug (not too tight as to not transfer the smell) and hopped in the shower and we went and picked up ARRIS'S PIZZA!! treat!

day 95: (thursday) we made another stop at grandma and grandpa's for breakfast. then, clinton and i ran a lot of random errands. we went to good will. picked up some ice cream, ran to walgreens, and stopped at lowe's. then we got home in time to get ready for our sassy night on the town. it was date night, jeff city style. i took clinton to yen ching...best chinese restaurant i've ever been to. seriously. i have not found one i enjoy more. clinton admits that my snobbery in regards to other chinese restaurants is founded. we then went on a romantic trip to...west gate lanes...bowling alley. it was awesome. i also found out that i am horrible at bowling. we are talking i scored a whopping 56...after my warm up round... needless to say, i owe clinton an ice cream cake...

day 94: (friday) the day of yard work. clinton and i tackled all the tasks my mom can never do alone or doesn't have the equipment for. we cleaned the gutters. trimmed the hedges. chopped down limbs and trees. pulled up a shrub (okay, that was more him). swept the driveway. and hauled brush. it was really draining, but it felt good feel so productive and to do physical labor. it sounds weird, but its true. then, later that night my cousin nicki, and her hubby, scott came to visit! they are expecting a little bean, ava, in august. so fun and crazy to see her pregnant and to feel like ava getting fiesty in the womb. we went to chili's and played tick (my new favorite card game).

(nicki and scott)

day 93: (saturday) we got around and headed t to my grandparents house because my other cousin, blaine, and his precious family was coming into town. blaine and his wife amanda have the cutest little kids.

and their newest addition..

it was really good to see them. i love their precious family. after dinner, we spent the rest of the night at our house playing more tick. (seriously, i better have friends that want to play with me. i am not sure why i love it so much, but i do.)

day 92: (sunday) clinton and i spent practically the whole day in the car on the way back. we stopped in louisville to eat dinner with his family and drove the rest of the way to lexington.

it feels good to be home.