God is God

As I was walking from my car to campus, my mind kept turning back to all of the awesome conversations that took place last night. I think Thursdays will definitely end up being my favorite day of the week because of my connect group and Bible study.

At church we are going through Job and discussing crisis, so our connect group discussions stem from what Tim preaches on Sunday. And, in Bible study we are going through the book of Isaiah. I feel like God is already showing me connections between these two groups, regardless of the content that is specifically being studied.

Last night, at connect group, Seth made the comment that it is interesting that the thesis, or main idea, of Job is so counter to what much of the wisdom scripture is like. (Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that they are contradictory or that one invalidates the other.) Psalms and Proverbs are very pragmatic and highlight almost a cause and effect relationship.

For example, the very first verse of Psalms "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked..." (ESV). Aka, if you do not walk in the counsel of the wicked, you will be blessed man. Or in Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge..." So, if you fear the Lord, then you will start to understand/attain true knowledge.

However, Job is a little different. And, honestly, the more I think about it, I think God does it so we do not get too set in the cause and effect type of relationship with Him. For me, I feel like I can see God using Job to remind me that it it is not about what we do, but where are hearts are at. "The Lord says: 'These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men'" (Isaiah 29:13). Also, I think this cause and effect mindset leaves us thinking we are entitled to certain outcomes based on us, our behavior. It is as if we think we have more control than we really do.

"Praise God that he did not make the illogical more prevalent or us humans would be in a constant state of fear and defeat, never knowing what one action might bring. However, logic can be deceptive as we can sometimes come to believe that God is also under the control of cause and effect. We must remember that it was God, himself, who created logic. Therefore, we must never forget that, ultimately, logic bows down to God. We engage in mindless behavior not so that we might know Him better, but so we can secure for ourselves comfort and blessing. And, thus, we have missed the point. I cannot believe that God ever wanted less than our whole hearts. "

Last night, in connect group, we discussed how one thesis statement of Job might be "God is God and Job is not." It is the story of Job that keeps us on our toes, and reminds us that He is sovereign despite outward appearances or our ability to determine why certain events unfold the way they do. Despite our attempts to control things on earth, it is God who is ultimately in control. And, since His heart is good, what is there to fear?

This made me think of in Bible study we discussed what being steadfast was and what it looked like. I think we all feel like we have a lot of work to do in this area, but I am convinced that all the trials we go through is God's way of presenting opportunities for us to learn (and re-learn) what it looks like to be steadfast in Him. No matter what, though, I think the thing I was most encouraged by was that regardless of our steadfastness, God's steadfastness is not dependent on our steadfastness. (I think Holly said this best last night.) He is always steadfast; He knows not how to waver. Often I think in terms of God reacting to me (my thoughts, behavior etc), but really God is consistently constant. (nice, right?)

I am still working through and piecing all of these thought strands together, but I just needed to get some down before I forgot to remember them. In no way have I figured this out or feel like these thoughts are final. Additionally, it probably just makes sense to me. I have a hard time articulating exactly what I am trying to say and how I got there. It is just where I am right now in terms of processing, and I know God has more to show me in this area.

Jealousy and her good-for-nothing-friends

Pull up your boot straps, ladies. It's time for me to share a little bit about what God is doing in my life, but in order to do that I have to take you through some of the mud I've been tracking all over the place.

I have had a serious struggle with Jealousy. Honestly, this isn't a new struggle for me. It has been something I've struggled with ever since I can remember. It is an ugly burden that I try to beat down and keep it quiet. However, the trouble with Jealousy is that even though I think she is under control, she can easily (and unexpectedly) pop sher ugly head up and pull me into the mud again.

It is ugly because it can steal my joy, make me question my Maker's heart for me, and, often, makes the people I love most enemies in my mind. I hate typing that. I recognize it is ugly. I hate that my heart feels that way sometimes. Enemies sounds strong, but maybe this will help clarify my irrational thought process:

God does something bomb.com in person A's life. Person A tells me, I creep on Person A on facebook, I see Person A on tv, in a magazine etc. I am pumped for person A or recognize what is going on is Person A's life is awesome, but, then, being selfish and egocentric, I think "Huh, God hasn't done anything like that for me." And my heart says very quietly (because it knows it is a crazy thought, but it feels it anyway... I wonder what I am doing wrong? God must be holding out on me." This heart whisper leads to one of two thoughts "I must do better" or "It is no use."

These twisted, unchecked thoughts and dark heart whispers are basically facebook invites for Jealousy's bff's to come play. So then, before I realize it Bitterness, Territorialness, Threatened Identity, Victim and her cousin, Pity Party, as well as, Critical Heart come and track mud all over the place!

Sometimes Jealousy and her friends have sleep overs without asking. I think she sneaks them in through the basement. Either way, I think I am alone, and all of a sudden I hear them or see them as something ugly comes out of my mouth. "What a tick, I didn't know you were still here! Does your mother know where you are? I certainly don't want you at my house, anymore. I think you should go home."

Recently (as in for months and months) God has been really helping me to get a better security system against Jealousy and her hooligan friends. When I first decided to really try to fight this (because sometimes it is easier to not really fight, but to just pray and hope it goes away. ignoring it or denying it can also go in this passive category), God began by showing me not only the depth of the problem, but also the breadth. It seemed Jealousy had made herself quite at home. (That's how I knew it was a girl, she likes to nest.)

It was so humbling to see the extent of my sin and the way that it had infiltrated so many areas of my heart and my life. It was often discouraging to see how ugly my heart was, especially because I didn't want to have thoughts thoughts or heart whispers. It was frustrating.

BUT, God is awesome. And, has been helping me fight this battle. He really is the best coach. He is constantly showing me areas that feed Jealousy (she is like a stray cat). He also has helped me recognize when she is on my lawn and ways to fight so she doesn't come in (invited or not).

While, I don't feel like Jealousy will ever really go away (it's the cat in her), I do feel like God has been helping me with my thoughts and heart whispers. Recently, a very bright bulb went off and, for me, it has been like a grenade launcher when it comes to battling Jealousy.

Here's the defense plan:

-Something happens that appeals to Jealousy and she remembers the good ole days of us hanging out. (at least one of us enjoyed our time together)

-Alarm sounds as there has been a security breach. Jealousy is texting her friends and they are planning on coming over to my house to hang out and track mud all over

- I remember and recite to myself:

"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil at work in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

-Then, I tell myself: God has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans that give me a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). What God does in someone else's life does not threaten what He is doing and planning in mine. My God is good and His heart for me is good. I trust Him. This is not a competition. My worth and identity is not threatened or jeopardized by circumstances, people, or failure because it is hidden in Christ.

Jealousy, go home. I would much rather hang out with Peace, Joy and Truth than you any day.