Jealousy and her good-for-nothing-friends

Pull up your boot straps, ladies. It's time for me to share a little bit about what God is doing in my life, but in order to do that I have to take you through some of the mud I've been tracking all over the place.

I have had a serious struggle with Jealousy. Honestly, this isn't a new struggle for me. It has been something I've struggled with ever since I can remember. It is an ugly burden that I try to beat down and keep it quiet. However, the trouble with Jealousy is that even though I think she is under control, she can easily (and unexpectedly) pop sher ugly head up and pull me into the mud again.

It is ugly because it can steal my joy, make me question my Maker's heart for me, and, often, makes the people I love most enemies in my mind. I hate typing that. I recognize it is ugly. I hate that my heart feels that way sometimes. Enemies sounds strong, but maybe this will help clarify my irrational thought process:

God does something bomb.com in person A's life. Person A tells me, I creep on Person A on facebook, I see Person A on tv, in a magazine etc. I am pumped for person A or recognize what is going on is Person A's life is awesome, but, then, being selfish and egocentric, I think "Huh, God hasn't done anything like that for me." And my heart says very quietly (because it knows it is a crazy thought, but it feels it anyway... I wonder what I am doing wrong? God must be holding out on me." This heart whisper leads to one of two thoughts "I must do better" or "It is no use."

These twisted, unchecked thoughts and dark heart whispers are basically facebook invites for Jealousy's bff's to come play. So then, before I realize it Bitterness, Territorialness, Threatened Identity, Victim and her cousin, Pity Party, as well as, Critical Heart come and track mud all over the place!

Sometimes Jealousy and her friends have sleep overs without asking. I think she sneaks them in through the basement. Either way, I think I am alone, and all of a sudden I hear them or see them as something ugly comes out of my mouth. "What a tick, I didn't know you were still here! Does your mother know where you are? I certainly don't want you at my house, anymore. I think you should go home."

Recently (as in for months and months) God has been really helping me to get a better security system against Jealousy and her hooligan friends. When I first decided to really try to fight this (because sometimes it is easier to not really fight, but to just pray and hope it goes away. ignoring it or denying it can also go in this passive category), God began by showing me not only the depth of the problem, but also the breadth. It seemed Jealousy had made herself quite at home. (That's how I knew it was a girl, she likes to nest.)

It was so humbling to see the extent of my sin and the way that it had infiltrated so many areas of my heart and my life. It was often discouraging to see how ugly my heart was, especially because I didn't want to have thoughts thoughts or heart whispers. It was frustrating.

BUT, God is awesome. And, has been helping me fight this battle. He really is the best coach. He is constantly showing me areas that feed Jealousy (she is like a stray cat). He also has helped me recognize when she is on my lawn and ways to fight so she doesn't come in (invited or not).

While, I don't feel like Jealousy will ever really go away (it's the cat in her), I do feel like God has been helping me with my thoughts and heart whispers. Recently, a very bright bulb went off and, for me, it has been like a grenade launcher when it comes to battling Jealousy.

Here's the defense plan:

-Something happens that appeals to Jealousy and she remembers the good ole days of us hanging out. (at least one of us enjoyed our time together)

-Alarm sounds as there has been a security breach. Jealousy is texting her friends and they are planning on coming over to my house to hang out and track mud all over

- I remember and recite to myself:

"For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil at work in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12).

-Then, I tell myself: God has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans that give me a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). What God does in someone else's life does not threaten what He is doing and planning in mine. My God is good and His heart for me is good. I trust Him. This is not a competition. My worth and identity is not threatened or jeopardized by circumstances, people, or failure because it is hidden in Christ.

Jealousy, go home. I would much rather hang out with Peace, Joy and Truth than you any day.