Friday, July 1, 2011

The Horse and His Boy

"Shasta didn't!" snorted Bree. "At least he ran in the right direction: ran back. and that is what shames me most of all. I, who called myself a war horse and boasted of a hundred fights, to be beaten by a little human boy-a child, a mere foal, who had never held a sword nor had any good nurture or example in his life!"
"I know," said Arvais. "i felt just the same. Shasta was marvelous. I am just as bad as you, Bree. I've been snubbing him and looking down on him ever since you met us and now he turns out to be the best of us all. But I think it would be better to stay and say we're sorry than to go back to Calormen."
"It's all very well for you," said Bree. "you haven't disgraced yourself. But I've lost everything."
"My good horse," said the Hermit, who had approached them unnoticed because his bare feet made so little noise on the sweet, dewy grass. "My good horse, you've lost nothing but your self conceit. No, no, cousin. Don't put back your ears and shake your mane at me. If you are really so humbled as you sounded a minute ago, you must learn to listen to sense. You're not quite the great Horse you had come to think, from living among poor dumb horses. Of course you were braver and cleverer than them. You could hardly help that. It doesn't follow that you'll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you're nobody very special, you'll be the a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole, and taking one thing with the other. And now, if you and my other four-footed cousin will come round to the kitchen door we'll see about the other half of that mash."

{from the end of chapter ten of "The Horse and His Boy" by C.S. Lewis}

I've been reading devouring The Chronicles of Narnia lately and, let me tell you, they are rocking my world. Not only are they wonderfully entertaining, but they call you out and inspire you as you read. I'll admit I sometimes get too into the plot to really reflect on the Truth that is hinted at in these tales.

However, this passage {above} stopped me in my tracks. It was like Clive Staples the Lord had been reading my diary (or He just knows my heart) and knew it was time to gently, but firmly call me out.

I'm like Bree the horse. Even though it was apparent to everyone that Bree was a Narnian horse (the talking is a dead give-away), he was still caught up in being one of the best Narnian horses. He was self-conscious about it, obsessed with making sure no one mistook his identity. Even though his identity was already set. He thought that something small would discredit him or steal his Naranian status from him. Therefore, he was always self-conscious, overly aware of others opinions, and continually striving.

Like I said, I am Bree.

I am realizing more and more how much I seek my own glory and not seeking to glorify the Lord. In every area of my life God is revealing this to me. Some areas are more apparent, like appearances ("i want people to think i'm cute") and school (i want people to think i'm smart"). But, man, some areas are harder to identify (and harder to admit)...

"I want to be an awesome Christian so people think I am awesome."

Wow.

I didn't even know that was in there. But I think God has been working to gently, but firmly inform me of my mixed motives. I say "mixed" because I don't think my self-glorifying mentality is always in control or my basis for doing everything, but I know it is in there. I do desire the Lord. I do want to know Him richly, deeply, intimately. But, sometimes, this ugly monster motive tangles himself in my heart and thoughts and before I know it I am focused on glorifying me again...

"It doesn't follow that you'll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you're nobody very special, you'll be the a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole, and taking on thing with the other."

I don't want to strive to be the best, to stand out, to be praised. I don't want to want it.

I don't want people to look at me and see a "good Christian."

I want people to look at me and not even see me, but to see Christ.

I know, I have a long way to go.

"He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)



3 comments:

  1. i like this a lot. my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I completely relate. Wanting to be the best whatever is a HUGE struggle for me. Thanks for sharing friend. Lunch soon?

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